Twitter Finally Blocks the Worst of Us From Tweeting [Update: It Was Too Good to Last Forever]

Twitter spectacularly shit the bed on Wednesday evening as it scrambled to stamp out a widespread hack of high-profile accounts.

Soon after 6 pm ET, several verified Twitter accounts were blocked from publishing tweets, which was probably for the best. Not because they were at risk of being hacked seemingly as part of some bitcoin scam—like Elon Musk, Apple, Jeff Bezos, Barack Obama, and for some reason, not Donald Trump—but because Twitter is generally a rotting hellfest of doom and horrors. So, at least we have that going for us.

Nearly a dozen Twitter users with obnoxious blue checkmarks, including your author, verified that they were unable to tweet from multiple platforms. Trying to post from Tweetdeck resulted in a warning that the tweet was deemed “suspicious.” Some verified users found that they could only tweet single words.

We’ve reached out to Twitter to find out why tweets are blocked for some users, but it’s safe to assume it’s a result of Twitter HQ bursting into flames caused by staff stress at being owned so publicly and thoroughly.

It is currently unclear how so many accounts were hacked or why the hackers chose to waste their access to a disgusting number of people only to post a fucking bitcoin scam, of all things. Either they’re very stupid criminals or—much more likely—this is part of something much less silly. As with all other things in 2020, it’s safe to assume the worst, stupidest possibility will be the true one.

In the meantime, now would be a good time to log off forever. And Jack, if you’re reading: There’s never been a better time to simply delete the website.

Update 7 p.m. ET: Twitter confirms what we already know:

Update 8:45 p.m. ET: Looks like the party’s over: verified users appear to have had their ability to post tweets restored. Unfortunately, there is no indication that Twitter plans to permanently keep the restrictions on verified accounts permanent.