We here at GameSpace love Red Dead Redemption 2. I should know, I reviewed it and gave it a perfect ten. But here’s the thing, even the best games can drive you crazy pants and Red Dead Redemption 2 has slacks to spare. Literally, expanding your fashion line is pretty much an entire way to play the game. So is Red Dead 2 amazing, you bet your silver dollar, but in the words of my four year old, holy cats can it drive you bananas.
I Like Sunsets and Long Walks on the Prairie
My name is Chris, and I like sunsets, mai tais, and unending walks on the prairie with a rotting carcass on my horse. Seriously, if you’re the kind of person who avoids the “scenic route” this is not the game for you. I mean, we get it, there’s a team of artists somewhere whose painting fingers are now crippled into horrible, talon-like claws, but for the love of the deer I just shot, give me more fast travel points.
Clean Yo’self!
Listen, Rockstar, things got a little rank back in the wild west and I’d appreciate if you stopped judging me for it. Society might demand I bathe myself but my video games certainly shouldn’t. Yeah, yeah, maybe people really would comment after I literally crawled from a pig pen. My point is, I’m sick of your hygiene shaming – and guns don’t actually jam because of a little blood and dirt. Quit your video gaminess.
My Butt’s Sore, I’ll Run If I Want To
As Arthur Morgan, you’ll spend a lot of time on the back of a horse and I’m willing to bet that man’s ass hurts and his legs need a good stretch. And I’ll tell you what, as an outlaw gunslinger, I’ll damn well run in my camp if I want to. No, I don’t care if it’s only a few feet and no, I don’t care if it’s uncouth. I just shot a bear in the face and refused to shower. My animal magnetism and gazelle-like strides are none of your game-confining business.
Sure, 53 Hours for a Tutorial Is Just Fine
Look, this is a big game. Really big, and there’s a lot to it. But imagine my surprise when I’d sunk three days, eight hours, and twenty seven minutes in, expected to see the credits roll and BOOM: Title Screen. Okay, that didn’t happen, but the point is, there’s an awful lot of tutorial you’ve to walk through here. And I mean that literally. You spend your first hour or so in the game literally trudging through snow. It’s like you’ve been kidnapped by some crazy outlaw who makes you stop and smell the roses at gunpoint.
Horses aren’t supposed to faceplant!
Rockstar, I’m going to tell you a story. I just got through with a hold-up. These two prissy ne’er do wells didn’t tip their hat deep enough, so I did what cowboy would do: I shot them square in their pie holes. Well, Johnny Law didn’t take too kindly to that and a next thing you know, I’m surrounded with flying lead cutting the air by my face. It was a little too close for comfort. So, I hopped on my horse, gave a firm kick in her sides and a GIDDYAP! and then went flying through the air as MY HORSE SLAMMED FACE FIRST INTO A BOULDER. HORSES DON’T DO THAT, ROCKSTAR.
HIDE! No, Not That Kind of Hide.
You know what else doesn’t happen in real life? Standing up for a leisurely stroll around your only source of cover in the middle of a gunfight. Seriously, when I hit the cover button, I mean the nearest cover. Not the other side that maybe my left heel was pointing toward. If you play this game long enough, you will eventually take cover from the tree behind the gunfight while your back gets shot to smithereens. It’s a rite of passage.
And finally…
DIE! No, Wait, Hi! I Meant Hi!
Look, around here, we like simple controls. Contextual changes are awesome and – what’s the buzzword? – dynamic except for when you mean to say hi and instead flip a bullet right into their face. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to be a run of the mill jerkhole and instead became a mass murder with a bounty bigger Uncle’s bar tab. Here’s the thing, there’s more than one button on that controller. Let’s stop with the shooty-shooty, at least when we’re surrounded enforcement, eh?
And there you have it! Red Dead Redemption 2 is an amazing game that will drive you slightly daft while simultaneously stunning you.
How about you – what stood out to you in your run through Red Dead Redemption 2?
